After you have made a decision that is pleasing to God, the Devil may try to make you have second thoughts. Intensify your prayer time, meditation, and good deeds. For if Satan's temptations merely cause you to increase your efforts to grow in holiness, he'll have an incentive to leave you alone.

-- St. Ignatius of Loyola

Adventures at both ends of the “no one loves you stick”…

I beat the hell out of myself yesterday and cried until I fell asleep. Why? Under the guise of an emotional release from some highs and lows over the past week. Under the guise of processing through some feelings I hadn’t gotten to yet. Instead it was a battle, a wrestling match if you will… where I needed all my strength to fight and instead found myself cheering on my opponent. Why do I seek comfort so close to danger. Why do I think I know what’s best for me?

Soul of Christ, sanctify me
Body of Christ, save me
Blood of Christ, inebriate me
Water from Christ's side, wash me
Passion of Christ, strengthen me
O good Jesus, hear me
Within Thy wounds hide me
Suffer me not to be separated from Thee
From the malicious enemy defend me
In the hour of my death call me
And bid me come unto Thee
That I may praise Thee with Thy saints
and with Thy angels
Forever and ever
Amen

undone

Recently I’ve been untying my attachments to the things I so desperately want that I have not been given. Asking God to help me cultivate a heart that is open to what He may or may not give me. I think I know what's good for me, and I may, but I know He knows more than what's good for me. He knows what's best for me and what I need in order to grow into the woman He designed me to be. It is a place I've longed to find and I'm being cautious to make sure it's actually where I am, not where I think I am. It's sort of like making the steep climb for the breath taking view. (Along the way I've stopped short many times thinking "what a great view") When you reach the top you forget about all the work you've done to get there. Some things that have happened in the past month almost seem insignificant, but 5 years ago even the thought was more than I could have dealt with. He is diligent and complete and He knows me. He has been gracious, loving and thorough in healing my heart. Never forcing me beyond where I was ready to go, but patiently waiting for me.

“It would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
C.S. Lewis – Mere Christianity