caught unawares

itunes customer review of Future of Forestry: Twilight

Tricked! (2 stars)
I’ve been tricked! At first listen this sounded fairly decent so I picked it up. Look out it’s Jesus Rock! iTunes please put this in it’s rightful place or at least put a warning label on it! Just a heads up for anyone out there who might get caught unawares like I did – you can’t be too careful these days…

I try to listen and understand views and opinions from other people that don’t necessarily match my own. I am sarcastic by nature by try not to make too much fun of opinions that differ from my own…this is a bit of an exception. I am a little protective because I am close to this record. It is one of my favorites and i've been listening to it since last May. Since it just released, I ran across this customer review on itunes. I agree this is classified wrong. I would have at least called it rock or alt rock, not pop. But why should it be classified as chrisitan? The guys are Christian and when he sings “you’re all I want” he is talking about God. Why should Christian music be classified by the lyrics, when no other genera is? I mean, there aren’t genres called depressed, vulgar, or agnostic. The warning label idea really made me laugh out loud. What would it say?
Caution this record could be good for your heart
Safe for the whole family
This album contains no references to sex, drugs, or violence and has no explicit lyrics.

Who Cares

The is seriously a cool song. I LOVE the contradictions

Gnarls Barkley : Who Cares
I have a hard time taking the easy way
I wouldn't call it schizophrenia But I'll be in these two here today
If that's ok

And I could go on an on an on But who cares?

It's deep how you can be so shallow
And I'm afraid coz I have no fear
And I didn't believe in magic until I watched you disappear
I wish you were here

And I could go on an on an on But who cares?

You see, everybody is somebody but nobody wants to be themselves
And if I ever wanted to ever understand me I'd have to talk to someone else
Coz every little bit helps

And I could go on an on an on But who cares?

It feels like the surreal life but its still nice
Wish I could live twice and I still might if these wounds heal right
I see a little light Even though its still night

And I could go on an on an on But who cares?

Friday, June 23, 2006

I'm Sorry, BUT...

But - a grammatical word used in the middle of or at the beginning of a sentence to introduce something that is true in spite of being contrary to what has just been said.

Is "I'm sorry BUT..." truly an apology? I understand there are reasons behind how something transpires. Most people willing to utter the word sorry are not prone to do things on purpose, which will require an apology. If you are truly sorry, leave the BUT out of it. All it does is negate the apology. I really don't care why, just that the need to apologize is recognized and followed quickly by the action of apologizing.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Thanks, David Wilcox

About 12 years ago I was introduced to his music and about 9 years ago I met the man. My favorite singer/songwriter and a probably the reason I'm a fan of the genre. He writes songs with many layers, just like life. He sees depth in the simple things we experience. He has a vantage point on the human condition so his songs seem to come from your head, or more so your heart, instead of his. This man sings about my heart so poetically that I was speechless when I met him. For those of you that know me, I wasn't exactly speechless but the words that came to mind and the few that came out of my mouth seemed inadequate. Here is my story about when I met David Wilcox.

It was right around my 22nd birthday, I believe just a couple of days after. I heard he was playing at someplace in Orlando called the Sapphire Supper Club. Mind you this was way back when before the internet was as prominent as it is today. So when I say I "heard" I cannot recall how exactly. I think my friend Jaysen told me. I seriously called information from my land line to get the number of the venue, called the supper club for directions, got in my car and drove from St. Petersburg to downtown Orlando with vague directions in hand. (Did I mention this was in the days when I was young and naive, or maybe more daring, or maybe I just really wanted to see DW in concert.) I found the venue and paid my $20 to get in. Then I really had to visit the facilities. (I had been in the car for an hour and a half, and yes this needs to be part of the story.) When I washed my hands and walked out of the bathroom I almost ran in to the man himself making his own pit stop. The only greeting that came to my mind was "You're David Wilcox!" Luckily the filter in my brain that keeps me from saying stupid things was on and reminded me, he already knows that. So I decided not to tell him who he was and just walked past him to find a place to watch the show.

The things I remember about the show are he tells a story almost as well as he sings a song. He has this laugh that almost makes him sound crazy. He took a few request, one of them was Mango that he didn't sing because he couldn't remember the words, which I thought was weird since he wrote them. He wore a t-shirt and plaid shorts. He was supporting Turning Point and played with a band.

But after the show is when it gets good, or at least it's when my words became inadequate. The show was small, probably under 100 people. I decided to purchase the new CD since it was new. (Which is weird to say since it was my 3rd DW CD and I've had so many more A-Ha moments listening to this man's wisdom since then. Strange how he feels so familiar but I don't even know him. It was his words that encouraged me to risk stepping out in faith and move to Nashville.) It was a small show so he was accessible and an autograph line formed. My mind was blank, what do you say to someone who you lean on for lyrical wisdom, to make sense out of life, and to encourage your heart? The best I came up with was "You're Great" and then I stared... I mean really stared...awkward stared...at him. I'm a dork all the way to my core. I think we all are in some form or fashion. He must have asked my name because it is on my CD, spelled correctly with the words "Thanks, David Wilcox".

Friday, April 21, 2006

all fired up...

so i was rocking out to pat benatar on my way to work (dont judge, there is some serious wisdom in this song...or at least some that spoke to me on my way to work this morning.)

"I believe there comes a time when everything just falls in line we live and learn from our mistakes the deepest cuts are healed by faith."

Thursday, April 13, 2006

sir mccartney's prayer

maybe not a prayer, but check out these lyrics, who else could he be talking (well singing) to? (third verse...it's probably closer to a bridge...is my personal fave.)
Follow Me Lyrics(Paul McCartney)You lift up my spirits, you shine on my soulWhenever I'm empty, you make me feel wholeI can rely on you, to guide me through, any situationYou hold up a sign that reads, follow me.You give me direction, you show me the wayYou give me a reason, to face every dayI can depend on you, to send me to, any destinationYou hold up a sign that reads, follow me, follow me.Down the track of loneliness, down the path of loveThrough the words of heartache, to the endOn the shores of sorrow, where the waves of hope crash inThe perfect place for me to find a friend. ahh yeah yeah yeah, ohYou lead to places, that I've never beenUncovering secrets, that I've never seenI can rely on you, to guide me through, any situationYou hold up a sign that reads, follow me, follow me,Follow me, follow me.

Monday, March 27, 2006

lyrical wit and wisdom

right now i feel invisible to you, like i'm not real.

why are you so far away she said, how would you ever know that i'm in love with you.

i've hitch-hiked way to long, rather grab on, rather hold on for the rest of my life, for the rest of my life.

oh we touched and went our seprate ways

I'm so tired, of playing, playing with this bow and arrow
gonna give my heart away leave it to the other girls to play

many is a word that only leaves you guessing

know that my care for you never ceases,
you can break my heart into a million pieces,
but i'm still gonna feel the same.

you may be a lover but you ain't no dancer

you know a melody can move me,
and when i'm feeling blue the guitar's coming through to soothe me.

nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight,
got to kick at the darkness til it bleeds daylight

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Happy S.A.D.

"Happy Singles Awareness Day!"

This is how a friend started my morning yesterday. Think about it...it's pretty true. I walked into work early and ran into a flower delivery guy. He asked if I knew the person receiving the flowers, had me sign for them and deliver them to her desk. As the day progressed there was more chatter about flowers and evening plans. I'm aware everyday that I am single. But every other day it's not in my face everywhere I look, or it doesn't seem to be. I'm not bitter. I am excited for all my friends that are part of a couple...I just really want to be one of them sooner than later.

I hate the singles cliche "God's my boyfriend", or whatever it is...the sentiment is the same. I don't like how stupid it sounds when I try to say it out loud. He is the love of my life and always will be. As much as I hate being single...and I do. I also love that God shows up in ways for me because He knows my heart's longings and He loves me that much.

I absolutely HATE getting my oil changed. I despise going. I hate driving into the place with the open floor, afraid I won't get my wheels in the right place. I hate the smell. I hate the way they recommend all of the extras and that they charge so much for them. I hate that I don't know if I should take their recommendations. Does my car's fuel system really need to be flushed? Does my car even have one of those things they tell me I need to replace? I'm going to admit it, I go past my 3,000 miles regularly. I put it off because I hate it. Anyway...I had to go yesterday. It couldn't wait any longer. To top it off it's Valentines Day. (This whole oil change business is something I hope to pass off when I am married. This may sound odd, but for my adult life I've been taking care of everything myself. I believe one of the benefits of marriage is the two of you get to share the responsibilities and take on things you are better at than your spouse, and maybe even enjoy doing. Who knows if it actually will work out like this...I just hope to find out one day.) So I have to do something I hate on Valentines Day, and to top it off it's something that reminds me that I'm very single. I do not know why, but about half way through the oil change one of the guys asked me if someone had given me a rose. To which I replied, "Are you kidding, would I be getting my oil changed if I had someone in my life to give me a rose?" Well, not really... actually I said "No" to which I received a long stemmed red rose. It's beautiful! I don't care that it came from a guy who works at Valvoline, and I don't even know his name.

I love when God does things that I cannot explain away...like a rose at Valvoline on Singles Awareness...uh...Valentines Day.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

the green mile...

I caught the last hour of The Green Mile on network television yesterday. I had never seen it. I'll have to catch it from the start but not for awhile. At the end of the movie, Tom Hanks' character starts talking about how old he really is and how he had to say goodbye to everyone he loved. Now I'm a crier. I cry when I laugh, when I'm frustrated, when I'm overjoyed, sometimes in my sleep, but mostly when I'm sad. At the end of this movie, all by myself in my apartment I started wailing. I cry at sad movies, this one was a sad movie. But, I'm not particularly prone to wailing out loud.

My Grandad passed away 3 weeks ago. His body had been wearing out little by little for the past 10 years. When I saw him at Christmas it was bittersweet. It was wonderful to look into his eyes and let him know how much I loved him. Yet it was heart wrenching to see his tears. A month later my Dad was calling to let me know he had stopped breathing during the night and was in the ICU. He never woke up. The next day as they weaned him off of the ventilator he went Home.

Grief is such an odd thing. 8 months ago I had to say goodbye to my Grandpa the day after I turned 30 and 8 years ago to my Grandma. I'm blessed I had so many years with them but there is so much more I wanted all three of them to be part of...some day a wedding and hopefully great-grandkids. Thats what I mourn. Some days, more than others, the loss feels immense. Today I feel like I'm crumbling into a pile...I'm the same person that looked at my Grandad in his casket and felt peace. There were no more tears in his eyes.

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.

I know where he is...why is it ripping my heart out that he's not here? Why does my own heart long for heaven and grieve so deeply the loss of those who have gone there?


A Piece of your Heart - Chic Small (a.k.a. Grandad)

A gift can work magic for those far and near
A gift can ease suffering and eliminate fear
A gift may be great but thats not the best part
The best magic is worked in the givers heart.

Its a joy to give to an acquaintance or friend
No doubt it brings happiness seemingly without end
But our heart grows like a delicate fern
When we give to a stranger and expect no return

God gave us dominion over the fish of the sea
And all woodland creatures whatever they may be
Domestic and wild beast that live in the herds
And he gives us great pleasure in feeding wild birds

Now why should I give? a doubter might say.
I work hard for my money and have taxes to pay.
God gave us wealth, the way that I figure
And when we give from the heart the heart will grow bigger

Why is this so? a friend once said
And I searched for an answer as I lay in my bed
God gave me the answer and I awoke with a start
You cant give a gift without a piece of your heart.

God created man and made him unique
Made him to think and taught him to speak
With all these gifts right from the start
God surely gave us a big piece of his heart

You may give to your spouse, son, daughter or niece.
Grandparents, aunts, uncles and nephews if you please
Your gifts will bring great joy right from the start
If along with your gift is a piece of your heart.

God commanded us to serve and love our brother
The only way we can serve God is to serve one another
Jesus gave his all right from the start.
Surely we can give God a piece of our heart.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

balance, life, risk and growth

Do you remember as a kid when you played on a teeter-totter? How when you got older you didn't just sit on one end with your friend on the other…but stood in the middle to see if you could make the whole thing balance by swaying gently back and forth? Somewhere along the way that became a life image for me…Life seems to be a series of things to keep balanced. Balanced diet, balance home life and work, balance the time spent watching television with time reading, balance hope with truth, give and take…you get the picture. Thinking back to the teeter-totter, that place when you stop swaying, not tilted to the left or the right…could that be perfection, perfectly balanced. A state I can reach on the teeter-totter but only until I tire from boredom. A state I cannot reach in life no matter how hard I strive. So why try…because it keeps me well rounded and not extreme, because it's good for me, because it makes me a better citizen, because it's a place to find rest? I strive for stability…yet there's a part of me that doesn't want to stay there long but rock hard back and forth and enjoy the ride. Maybe Life is not staying balanced but becoming balanced when you get knocked one way or the other. Or experiencing both sides and discovering your middle ground. I tend go with the flow and let life take me places, instead of bracing myself, tucking my head down and going against the grain. (My sister is amazing at this. Stubborn as all get out and will not take "no" for an answer. Her persistence pays off most of the time she steps up to the challenge she get's her way. It's rather impressive to watch and down right annoying when you are one of the parties involved.) It takes a lot for me to actually step out and take a risk. I came across an old journal entry where I had written "the reward of the risk is the relationship", that was no doubt during a season when I was hoping that if I exposed the feelings I had in my heart I would discover this guy had the same ones. Instead of being patient, I boldly wore my heart on my sleeve and faced the danger of rejection because it was worth the risk. Years have made me more cautious and I don't find my heart on my sleeve as often. I find it were it belongs, guarded. (Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.) I also find myself no longer agreeing with the truth of my statement. Not because there is no reward in risking, but because the reward is growth. Plain and simple taking a risk causes growth no matter what happens. I can strive for balance but life is messy and risks are hard and personal growth doesn't happen when I sit back and wait for it, but when I dig in deep and I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty. Maybe the life image is not standing perfectly balanced but continually rocking back and forth experiencing what life has to offer. And sometimes, when I'm not strong enough, someone on the other end.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

entertaining eyes & ears

new music and movies i've enjoyed over the course of december 2006. in case you are interested i bolded my favorites.
ears:
Micah Dalton: The Advancement EP & These Are The RootsThis guy is my new favorite artist. The song "Just Stay" is the reason I checked him out in the first place (it's currently my profile song). Although, all of his songs are good. The record sounds more polished, while the EP (2006) feels more organic. They are both awesome.
Pole Folder: Zero Gold
Sufjan Stevens: Illinoise
Paul McCartney: Ecce Cor Meum
eyes:
StayThis is directed by the same guy that did Finding Neverland and Stranger than Fiction. It's not really like either. It's more like quantum theory meets artsy movie, very dreamy.
Nativity:The Holiday:
End Of The Spear
Over The Hedge
Firewall
Failure To Launch
Monster House

Friday, January 12, 2007

2007 New Years Resolution

Read more for fun

So I must admit I've watched the movie pride and prejudice about a hundred times. (Well not a hundred times...but it was an exaggeration used for dramatic effect, aka a hyperbole. I only bring that up because twice the word has come up in conversations pertaining to my manner of speaking.) I recently picked up the book. (pride and prejudice, in case my lesson on hyperbole made you lose the track of what i was actually writting about.) Can you believe it's better than the movie? I am so enjoying it and discovering more of the delicacies of the dialog and the characters manners. Don't get me started on the absurdity of Lady Catherine or Mr. Collins. I'm also finding some interesting old words and phrases. (felicity – happiness or contentment and "the violence of my affection" are my current favorites). Last night I had the joy to discover a beautiful description of my sense of humor. (It's actually Darcy's description of Elizabeth's humor, but I believe it fits me also.) "you find great enjoyment in occasionally professing opinions which are in fact not your own." So next time, I have to explain my sense of humor…I might try using that line, instead of "I'm hardly ever serious."...although if someone didn't get my humor they probably wouldn't get the explanation either.

Friday, January 05, 2007

melancholy ipod

my ipod has been melancholy (with the sad face and everything) for the past two months, a day ago it just snapped out of it. i guess it just needed a break. maybe i was too hard on it, or it was feeling taken for granted…i mean i have made it work everyday without a break since i got it a year and a half ago. maybe it just needed to hear some of the music contained in its soul to remember it had a purpose and found some joy in doing what it does best, connecting me with some of my old friends and giving a soundtrack to my life.
for whatever reason it stopped working and then started again…i am overjoyed that i don't have to start looking for a replacement.

Friday, December 01, 2006

U2 - Charist

When I read things like this I immediately switch to cynical mode. This conjures up images of the "buddy christ" from the movie Dogma (which in itself is good and bad) I cringe at the idea of trying to make communion "cool", like it needs to be marketed with better songs and a cool name.
Tell me what you think…
http://www.usatoday.com/life/music/2006-10-25-u2-churches_x.htm

Monday, November 20, 2006

confession

When I'm in the car at 12:05 I try to catch The Writer's Almanac on NPR. It features Garrison Keillor reading a poem of the day. Today's poem really struck a chord with my heart. I wanted to share it...enjoy.
You Must AcceptKate Light
You must accept that's who he really is.
You must accept that you cannot be his
unless he can be yours. No compromise.
He is a canvas on which paint never dries;
a clay that never sets; he's steel that bendsin a breeze
he's a melody that when it ends no one can whistle
he is not who you thought. He's not.
He is a shoe that walks away: "I will not go where youwant to go."
"Why, then, are you a shoe?""I'm not.
I have the sole of a loverbut don't know what love is."
"Discoverit, then." "Will I have to go where you go?""Sometimes."
"Be patient with you?" "Yes." "Then, no."
You have to hear what he is telling you
and see what he is; how it is killing you.

Monday, August 28, 2006

massive obession

massive attack is a recent obession of mine, i know i'm only 15 years late, but bettter late than never. not to mention that for most of those 15 years i was attracted to different types of music. during that time i developed a passion for singer/songwriters and modern rock. My sister has influenced my taste of classic rock and just plain rock and roll. she has always liked good music and I haven't. I do now, but it's always an uphill battle convincing her of this. She still judges me by my top 40 phase in high school. I'm starting to make headway but when i told her i've been delving into electronic music she about choked. i, like my sister, avoided electronica since it evoked sounds of "axel f" from beverly hills cop or some guy, any guy with a casio. so when i came across "collected" at work and heard tracey thorn sing "protection" i was intrigued. i actually had one of our A&R guys confirm that i could say "trip hop" without sounding like a fool. i've been massively obessed since then. the lyrics are amazing. and the music is unpredictable but soothing at the same time. one bonus of discovering a band 15 years late, i have not had to wait for a new album. as one becomes familiar i've been able to get the next one.
unfinished sympathy is my current song obession...

I know that i've been mad in love before
And how it could be with you
Really hurt me baby, really cut me baby
How can you have a day without a night
You're the book that I have opened
And now i've got to know much more
The curiousness of your potential kiss
Has got my mind and body aching
Really hurt me baby, really cut me baby
How can you have a day without a night
You're the book that I have opened
And now I've got to know much more
Like a soul without a mindIn a body without a heart
I'm missing every part

Friday, August 04, 2006