Do you remember as a kid when you played on a teeter-totter? How when you got older you didn't just sit on one end with your friend on the other…but stood in the middle to see if you could make the whole thing balance by swaying gently back and forth? Somewhere along the way that became a life image for me…Life seems to be a series of things to keep balanced. Balanced diet, balance home life and work, balance the time spent watching television with time reading, balance hope with truth, give and take…you get the picture. Thinking back to the teeter-totter, that place when you stop swaying, not tilted to the left or the right…could that be perfection, perfectly balanced. A state I can reach on the teeter-totter but only until I tire from boredom. A state I cannot reach in life no matter how hard I strive. So why try…because it keeps me well rounded and not extreme, because it's good for me, because it makes me a better citizen, because it's a place to find rest? I strive for stability…yet there's a part of me that doesn't want to stay there long but rock hard back and forth and enjoy the ride. Maybe Life is not staying balanced but becoming balanced when you get knocked one way or the other. Or experiencing both sides and discovering your middle ground. I tend go with the flow and let life take me places, instead of bracing myself, tucking my head down and going against the grain. (My sister is amazing at this. Stubborn as all get out and will not take "no" for an answer. Her persistence pays off most of the time she steps up to the challenge she get's her way. It's rather impressive to watch and down right annoying when you are one of the parties involved.) It takes a lot for me to actually step out and take a risk. I came across an old journal entry where I had written "the reward of the risk is the relationship", that was no doubt during a season when I was hoping that if I exposed the feelings I had in my heart I would discover this guy had the same ones. Instead of being patient, I boldly wore my heart on my sleeve and faced the danger of rejection because it was worth the risk. Years have made me more cautious and I don't find my heart on my sleeve as often. I find it were it belongs, guarded. (Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.) I also find myself no longer agreeing with the truth of my statement. Not because there is no reward in risking, but because the reward is growth. Plain and simple taking a risk causes growth no matter what happens. I can strive for balance but life is messy and risks are hard and personal growth doesn't happen when I sit back and wait for it, but when I dig in deep and I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty. Maybe the life image is not standing perfectly balanced but continually rocking back and forth experiencing what life has to offer. And sometimes, when I'm not strong enough, someone on the other end.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
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