The Can You Be Friends With Your EX Experiment

AKA: Why I've blocked my first two people on Facebook

*explicit language I don't standardly use, but necessary in this case... I think.



My ex un-friended me on Facebook a couple of weeks ago...

Actually I thought I did it by mistake. So I emailed him apologizing and asking him to re-friend me. He did. Back to life as normal, until I posted a comment on his new photo and before the end of the night, un-friended again. So I asked him if I did something to offend him. All he could say was no, he was "saving the peace" (that’s bullshit for “lying") and it has nothing to do with anything he wants.

So, I didn’t accidentally un-friend him, it was by his hand on purpose. Twice. This ex is the same asshole who confirmed our breakup, not by talking to me, by changing our Facebook relationship status. He has a real knack for interpersonal relationships.

In the conversation we started about why, he wouldn’t confirm or deny that he un-friended me because of his current girlfriend. He said I knew why and we could always message. You know, at first I was flattered. I made his girlfriend insecure. I didn’t even do anything, but be my awesome self. Well unfortunately I can’t let things go. (Perhaps one of the many reasons my ex and I didn’t work out.) I started thinking about how that conversation asking (demanding?) he un-friend me might have gone. How could that truly be the extent of her request? Having been his insecure girlfriend, I wouldn’t have wanted to be spared some occasional shared humor posts on a wall, only to be perfectly fine with us having regular one on one conversations.

Her request was self-fulfilling. All the sudden was something secret to worry about that did not exist before my being un-friended AND I’ve been made complicit in it to boot.

What?!? 

Wasn’t I just minding my own business being my awesome self a minute ago?

I told him her request was absurd, as was his compliance. That it was between the two of them and had nothing to do with me, and I wish they could have left me out of it. That it sucks to lose something real because of make believe.

He didn’t answer. Real shocker.

So I guess what really sucks is my thinking we were, or could ever be friends. It was important to me because if we weren’t friends it admits what a fucking disaster he was. It questions my judgement and self value for not seeing it, or ignoring it. If we could be friends it means I didn’t waste almost 2 years of my life hoping an asshole would love me, wondering why he didn’t and trying to make him.

The truth is, he IS a fucking disaster, I HAD poor judgement, I DO value myself, and I DID waste almost 2 years of my life hoping an asshole would love me, wondering why he didn’t and trying to make him.

Thank God not one second more.

So he’s been blocked on facebook. Her too, mainly because I didn’t trust myself not to send this story to her. I’m kind of secretly hoping (plotting?) it still might reach her somehow… I mean... only for her sake.

In the end she got what she wanted.

I got what I needed.

Experiment over.